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uRDU jOKES AND LaTIFe

 

 
Aik truck driver shrab ke nashe mein Truck chala raha tha laiken Steering per pori tarah control na tha.
Achanak truck larkhraya our aik baray se truck se ja laga.Diver ko sakht chotein ayein our woh behoosh ho gaya.
Jab isay hosh aya tu is ne kareeb bethay huay aadmi say poocha : Janab mein kahan hoon ?
Aadmi ne jawab diya : Kamra number dus mein '
Driver bola Hospital ke ya jail ke "

 

Restaurant ki aik khoobsurat khatoon nay apni dost say kaha: mera husan mand pernay laga hai
Saheli nay waja poochi tu khatoon nay jawab duya "Restaurant kay ghak ab wapis milnay wali reezgari bhi ginnay lagay hain.

 

Hollywood ki do adakaraain aik bagh mein sair ker rahe thein.Aik ne door aik bachay ko gari mein dekha our kaha : kitna khoobsurat bacha hai!
Dosri ne zara nazdeek ja ker kaha : aray yeh tu mera bacha hai.
pehli ne pocha : Kia tumhein yeh yakeen hai ke tumhara he bacha hai?
Dosri ne jawab dia : haan ! kionki mein apnay bachay ki aya ko achi tarah pehchanti hoon.


 

Doctor ne mareez say kaha : mein nay jo tumhein khanay ke liya kaha tha woh tum ne khaya tha?
mareez ne jwab diya : koshish tu buhat ki thi magar kamiab na ho saka.
Doctor gusay se bola : kia bewakofi hai! mein ne tum say kaha tha ke jo tumhara teen saal ka bacha khata hai wohi tum khao ,tum say itna bhi na hi saka.
Marez nay bebasi se jawab diya : haan doctor sahab ! laiken mera bacha tu mom bati,koila,mati our jotoon ke feetay vagaira khata hai


 

Aik bach a apnay ustaad say : meray abu keh rahay thay kay aap ko aik mughi tuhfay mein dein gay.Ustaad yeh sun ker khush hua our murghi ka intezaar kernay laga.
Aik hafte tak jab murghi nahi aye tu ustaad nay poocha : Beta aap ki murghi nahi pohnchi.
Bachay ne masoomiat se jawab diya :woh tu ab tandrust hogaye hai


 

Class jis mein sirf aik bacha muslim tha baqi saray hindu thay our teacher bhi hindu tha.
Aik din class teacher class mein bachoon ko perharaha tha.
Kehne laga : bacho! yeh maiz sab ko nazar aarahi hai na ?
Bachay bolay: beshak !
Teacher bola : kia khuda aap ko nazar aaraha hai ?
Bachay bolay : nahi
Teacher bola : agar khuda hota tu nazar aata na ?
Itne mein muslim bacha utha our dosray bachoon say mukhatib ho ker bola: kia aap ko master sahab ki Akal nazar aarahi hai" Bachay bolay : nahi "
Muslim bacha bola : agar maater shab ki akal hoti tu nazar aati na "
Bachay aik sath ho ker bolay : Beshak "

 

 


 

Shaadi se pehle larki apne devar se kehte hai : tum mughay apne bhai jaan ka aik baal lado mein tumhein dus rupee doon ge.Mein nay apni kitab mein rakhna hai .
Devar kehta hai : bhabhi ji " aap mughay 20 rupee dein , mein aap ko bhai jaan ki sari vig he ladoon ga.


 

Doctor Mareeza say : Mrs Jons! mein app ko khushi ki aik khabar suna na chahta hoon.
Mareeza : mein Mrs jons nahi ,Miss johnson hoon.
Doctor :Tab tu mughay aap ko bari buri khabar suna na paray gi.


 

Nokrani : kia baat hai bibi ji aap itni udas kion hain ? Malkan nay dukh bharay andaz say kaha : tumharay sahab apnay office ki typist say piyar kernay lagay"
Nokrani besakhta ho ker : nahi ! aisa nahi ho sakta:
yeh aap mughay jalanay kay liya keh rahi hain.

 

Aik burhay aadmi nayapne Purse mein adakara neeli ki tasveer rakhi hue thi .
Aik dafa itefaaq say is kay betay nay yeh tasveer dekh li, tu bola : wa aba ji' khoob ! aap ne apnay purse mein neeli ki tasveer rakhi hua hai.
Burha bola :Beta rakhi tu tumhari maan ki tasveer thi,magar paray paray neeli ho gaye.

 


 

Aik actor ke sath aik film mein aik bandar bhi kaam ker raha tha.Bandar ko actor kay sath itna lagao ho gaya ke woh her waqt is key sath rehne laga.
Film ke shooting mukamal hogai, tu actor ko khial aaya ke is se ke bandar se door reh ker woh buhat udaas rahe ga.
lehaza us ne bandar ko khreedne ka faisla kerlia.
Bandar ke malik ke samne jab actor ne yeh tajveez rakhi tu bandar ke malik ne poocha: Aap ki salana aamdani kitni hai?
Actor ne jawab diya : pandrhaan lakh rupee ,laiken aap kioon pooch rahe hain ?
Bandar ka malik bola :Is liya ke bandar aap ko pasand kerta hai ,kionki bandar ki salana aamadni tees lakh rupee hai,is liya woh aap ko pasand kare ga .

 

Aik dost dosre se :
Mughe aik cashier ki taalsh hai
Dosra bola : laiken do mah pehle hi tu tum ne cashier rakha tha.
Pehle ne jawab diya : use ki he tu talash hai.


 

Do dost aapas mein batein ker rahe the.Aik keh raha tha : yaar meri biwi itni moti hai ke aik dafa woh vazan maloom kerne wali machine per charhi tu machine mein se aik kaghaz nikla jis per tehreer tha"Bara-e-mehrbani aik aadmi is per se uter jae.
Dosra bola: yaar yeh bhi koi baat hai"meri biwi tu itni moti hai ke aik martaba mein is ke kapre dhobi ke paas lay gaya tu dhobi ne kaha: yahan per kapre dhulte hain shamiane nahi.


 

Aik shaks apne dost ko car mein is ke gher chorne chala.Baraf bari ho rhi thi,is liya raat our bhi andheri hogai thi.Wind screen per itni baraf jam gai thi ke bahir nazar nahi aata tha.kai baar accidents hote hua bacha.Khoofzada dost ne mashvara dia.
Bahir nikal ker sheeshay say barf saaf ker lo,kuch tu nazar aye ga?
Kia faida? woh itmenan se bola,Ainak tu mein gher hi bhool aya hoon.

 

 

 


 

Tmahre shohar ki tabiat ab kaisi hai?
Mughe tu shohar se nijat mil gai?
Tum ne koi elaj bhi kia?
Agar elaj kerti tu nijat kaise milti?


 

Glokar ne apne hamsaey se shakayat ki: bhai sahab ! mein jab bhi gana gata hoon tu aap ka kutta bhonkna shoro ker daita hai"
Hamsaey ne jawab dia"Is mein kuttay ka kia kasor hai!Pahel tu aap hi kerte hain na .


 

Parnaam Singh ne university mein dakhla lia tu professor sahab ne pahle din lecture detay hua kaha : Larkoon ko larkioon ke hostel ki taraf jane ki ejazat nahi.Jis kisi ne larkioon ko chera us ko 100 rupees jurmana ho ga.Dosri bar cherne per 200 Rupee our tesri bar cherne per 500 rupees juraman ho ga.
Parnaam sing yeh sun ker uth khara hua our Professor sahab se Apni zaban mein pochne laga:
Professor sahab ! Ahi vari vari di gal chaddo ...
Sanoon dasoo .. Pore saal da ki rate hai ?

 

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